Mufflers R Us is coming to Wildomar….

….THANKS TO THE COUNTY’S PLANNING COMMISSION

Don’t bother whining about the smell of welding fumes at the next city council meeting ’cause the Riverside County Planning Commission has already approved the plans for a muffler shop to be built and operated where a beautiful vegetable garden used to grow every year.

Sadly, even the Wildomar City Council cannot stop this project from going forward or directing it into a more appropriate “mechanic’s”  park.   However, they can “condition” the project to make certain that the proprietors maintain a semblance of propriety with their commercial impact and marketing ideas. 

Nearby homeowners and casual passerby should not be troubled by the noise of air hammers and the smell of acetylene gases wafting over the fences, into their homes and into their cars.

Please, dear council, ask the right questions about noise, hazardous materials and signage, adding the appropriate conditions to your ultimate approval, for Wildomar’s sake.

Is that the Mayor? I thought I recognized the tee shirt.

Comments can be made to Zak at zakturango@excite.com. Mayor sightings are always welcome.

Time For A Little Civic Polish….

…..ZAK MOTIONS IT

Wildomar Magazine was on hand for the “historic” or “historical,” one can never be certain which is correct, for the Mayor Scott Farnam’s first city council meeting.  The meeting moved smartly, for the most part, and we were completely done in an hour and ten minutes.

Zak did not have to grit his teeth during the Invocation as the courageous new mayor was a man of his word and there was no Invocation.  I silently breathed a prayer of thanks and, fortunately, no one noticed.

With the gavel deftly removed from former Mayor Bob Cashman’s hands and the publicly-pronounced absence of his former puppetmaster, the absence of any whining Band of Sisters, the meeting room had a softer, happier tenor to it’s atmosphere.  Not a peep about the cemetary district, WCC or the RDA PAC offering to build Wildomar a Community Center.

Now to the polish.  “I motion” is not a valid phrase to be used in a public meeting.  It’s amateurish. And it makes no sense. “Motion” is not a verb and cannot be used as one.  The correct phraseology is “I move”  or “I make a motion” to initiate a potential vote by the Council.

By far, however, the second best source of Zak’s internal giggle machine was the “Coolest Mayor in the Valley’s” calling a 5-0 vote as “five-zip.”  I don’t believe that phrase has ever been uttered in a public meeting before last evening. 

The best call by Farnam, a realtor by trade, was to call for a vote, stating that he had a “first and a second.”  Good mayor, Zak and his fellow citizens don’t care how the financing on your home was set up. 

Despite the hiccups, Farnam will get his cowboy boots under himself and the next year should have the professional appearance we all desire. 

In fact, I motion it.

Comments can be made to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.

Zak Has His Eye(s) On Wildomar…

 

“….INSATIABLE CURIOUSITY, GUIDED BY GOOD EYESIGHT AND A KEEN SENSE OF SMELL, LEADS THEM TO EXPLORE EVERY SPOT, STAIN, CRUMB…..” (source:  Forest Preserve District of Cook County, Illinois)

Wildomar Magazine has been accorded a fine compliment by the Californian’s longtime reporter, Aaron Claverie, referring to Zak’s alter ego Gil Rasmussen as a “City Hall observer, longtime local fly-in-the-ointment” in his piece filed on December 27, 2008. 

Mr. Claverie could have only heightened his compliment by identifying Wildomar Magazine by name in the article but then Zak’s daily readership might surpass that of, say, the City of Wildomar’s official website.  

Wildomar Magazine accepts the thoughtful accolade from a media “cousin” and promises to continue to “occupy” its place in the “ointment,” reserving the right, however, to choose the ointment and the orifice applied therein. 

“Nuff said about anonymous bloggers.

Comments can be made to Zak the Eye(s) at zakturango@excite.com.

Lifetime Television presents “Smother…”

…ON JANUARY 3, 4 AND 5

Lifetime Television proudly (as does Wildomar Magazine)  presents the movie “Smother,” starring Diane Keaton, Liv Tyler, Ken Howard, Mike White and Dax Shepherd.  It will showing on DirecTV at 9PM and Midnite for the next three days on Channel 252. 

You will have to check your local listings for the channels and times on your other cable and satellite providers. Zak can’t do everything for you. Jeez.

The movie was written, produced and directed by Tim Rasmussen and Vince DiMeglio, Zak’s very talented son and son-in-law, respectively.

Don’t let the notion that actor Ken Howard appears to be playing his role as Gil/Zak fool you.  This movie is about their mothers.

When you see a movie titled “Sfather”, then you can assume it’s about Zak.

Enjoy

Movie reviews may be forwarded to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.  If you don’t like the movie, let me know and I’ll forward your remarks to Tim and Vince and let’s see if you get invited to their house for any pool parties abounding with starlets ever again. Not even in Tim’s new hot tub.

Cool is Coming to Wildomar….

…AND HE’S THE NEW MAYOR

Wildomar Magazine is getting ready for him, too, with Zak taking his gloves off (revealing Zak’s time-worn, cyber ink-stained fingertips).  Zak will have to be on top of his game for the next twelve months ’cause Cool is Coming to Wildomar (hereinafter “Cool”) and Zak is smart and funny but Zak ain’t as tough as Cool.

“Nerd” is now out of style ’cause Cool is coming to Wildomar. There’ll be no more pictures of the mayor getting a “wedgie,” unless he  really wanted one and he intended to put a photo of it on the internet.  Tats are in. Gangsta tees, too.

If any of the old Band of Sisters slink up to the City Council dais, seeking to schmooze the mayor for some easy bucks for one of their lame-*ssed projects, they better chill ’cause Cool is coming to Wildomar and he’s got this.

If there’s any problem with Lake Elsinore, I’m putting my dime on Cool versus Daryl Hickman, Bob Magee or even the ever-cunning Tom Buckley.  Even all three at the same time ’cause Cool is coming to Wildomar. The two ladies, Amy and Melissa, are too new to mock (there’s plenty of time).

Murrieta and Temecula politicians and bureaucrats will prepare to ”stand by to stand by.”  ‘Cause Cool is coming to Wildomar.

Riverside County?  Wimps, get outta here ’cause Cool is coming to Wildomar.  Fuhgeddaboudit.

Seriously, but only for one brief moment, Mayor-elect Scott Farnam’s term as mayor should be good for Wildomar and it appears that he might have a sense of humor, which is the way to best deal with Zak and Wildomar Magazine (something Bob Cashman or his puppetmaster never figured out).

Zak wishes the “Coolest Mayor In Wildomar…Ever” the best of luck in the future.

Comments may be made to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.  If any black limos roll up on my crib though, Zak will be watching the sidewalk from his reinforced-concrete bunker.

Happy New Year 2009……

 

 ….Just Celebrate It Again In Historic Downtown Wildomar

Hope to see you all again at City Hall at Midnight.  Last year was the best ever.

If we miss you, Wildomar Magazine, Zak, Gil and all of the rest of the WM staffers want to wish “nearly everyone” a Happy New Year for 2009.  ’Nuff said.

On a personal note, forty years ago this very evening, Gil/Zak was watching an incredible display of tracer fire arcing skyward from every automatic weapon in and around the various military bases in Danang RVN as soldiers, marines, air force, coast guard and sailors celebrated the New Year ”our” way as 1968 turned into 1969.

You had to be there.

Comments may be made to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.  However, Zak requests that all comments be held until next year.

Zak’s Merry, Merry Christmas….

….AND THE WRAPPING OF GIFTS FOR WILDOMAR HAS LEFT HIM EXHAUSTED

The Christmas Season is the happiest times of the year for most folks.  Budget-breaking shopping for toys for loved ones is motivated by that happy feeling that comes as the wrapped presents are opened and the “oohs” and “ahhs” of joy are emitted for the $25 gift card to some chain store. One size does fit all.

Beyond the economics, though, are the heart-felt greetings and expressions of human feelings that are passed between lovers, loved ones and, even, mere acquaintances.  Christmas gives the annoyed and the angry a chance to let off a little steam and be human, if only for a few hours.

Zak also wants to give some presents out to those who have made Wildomar’s recent history, well, historic.  So he’ll start by sharing his verbal gifts to those who matter most;

• Mayor Bob Cashman, whose tenure ends on January 14, 2009, has already received his gifts.  The first  gift Bob received is being the first mayor of Wildomar.  Whatever else happens in Wildomar, he will always be the first mayor.  His second gift will be opened in 2009.  Bob should accept the fact that he had been elevated far beyond his abilities and now has an opportunity to reduce his own ambitious, self-induced expectations and relax in the knowledge that he doesn’t have to be ambitious any longer.  A gift of relaxation, if he’ll accept it.  Please don’t “re-gift” this one, Bob.  Save it for yourself.
• Mayor Pro Tem Bridgette Moore wrapped and then opened her own gift when she split with Cashman’s supporters/exploiters and decided to enlarge her own political agenda into a wider format.  She is now free to decide, in her own mind, what is best for Wildomar without having to answer to anyone’s expectations but her own.  Freedom from “undue” influence, whatever it’s genesis, is a wonderful gift for an elected official.
• Mayor-elect Scott Farnam has a box wrapped and placed under Zak’s Christmas tree for 2009.  However, once he opens it, he will find that it is completely empty.  His gift will be to fill the empty box with good things for the citizens of Wildomar over the next twelve months.  His leadership in things that matter slightly, like a brand new logo and motto (how does a community define the “historic” brownness of dead grass on the hills and the poor soil caught between “Dream Extreme” and “Gem of the Valley” as something unique?) and in things that matter much, such as keeping the civic diversity of Wildomar secular and tolerant, will be his to give the city.
• Councilmember Marsha Swanson’s holiday package is a conflicted ”thank you” from Wildomar Magazine, who sees her as ”the rock” on the council, steady yet thoughtful while looking to the future.  It is Zak’s belief, since she was the person to put the early vote for Mayor 2009 on the agenda, that she was the driving force to spare the city a contentious brawl over Cashman’s desire to remain as mayor and pre-empted an internet media-driven battle to replace Bob Cashman as mayor with Sheryl Ade.
• Councilmember Sheryl Ade’s christmas present has already been re-gifted to the citizen’s of Wildomar.  Her years of hard work in educating herself on land development issues as well as her involvement in the issues of fighting the annexation of Wildomar by Murrieta and ultimately gaining cityhood for Wildomar have prepared her well. She knows and understands the people and agendas of the people she worked with. Now, she truly represents the entire community of Wildomar, having no economic ties to the business, real estate or development communities. Zak would have loved to have worked for her election to be Wildomar’s next mayor for 2009 but, as is so typical of Sheryl’s selflessness and humility, she was happy to be the third vote in support of Councilmember Farnam as mayor.
• Interim-City Manager John Danielson will open his present on Christmas Day to find a “big box of gratitude” from Zak and the staff of Wildomar Magazine for the excellent work, on behalf of the citizens of Wildomar, by John and his staff (InterWest, PMC and others) in taking Wildomar from a barren county island to “historic” city status.  All of the above were good choices on behalf of our little desert burg.

Finally, Zak wants to wish most of the citizens of Wildomar a wonderful and Happy Holiday season.  There are, however, a few for whom Zak hopes their package of ”private humiliation” will be pushed back under the tree, just waiting for the day when the wrappings are finally torn off and then the humiliation can be public.

Comments can be made to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.  Zak is currently registered at Target for any holiday gifts, if you so desire and have any money left over. Gift cards are so lame.

Zak Storms Sacramento…

….AND SOLVES FREEWAY CONGESTION NIGHTMARE FOR CALEEFORNIA COMMUTERS

Zak Turango, editor and chief of staff of Wildomar Magazine, is sitting in an office building in beautiful Sacramento, Caleefornia, capital of the Late Great State.  Given the dire condition of the budget deficit, Zak’s prophecy that the state will eventually go bankrupt and drive the business class to other  nearby states, resulting in the degradation to the status of a third-world nation, Zak’s words loom, as well as portend, a dreary future.

However, there is no need for Zak to continue to suffer with the constant state of metropolitan freeway gridlock with his daily commute into Orange County in a quest for his daily bread.  With all due modesty, Zak has a simple suggestion that will ease the metropolitan freeway congestion for the next ten years. 

And, at no significant cost to the taxpayers.  In fact, this might be handled by the Wildomar Community Council’s modest budget but only if they can get a little more “taste” of the free money handed out by the Wildomar City Council.  Or, if larger amounts are required, there’s always the RDA PAC.

In Zak’s new world order, the two inner lanes of a metropolitan freeway, identified by the CHP as ”Lane #1″ and “Lane #2,” will be restricted from Monday through Friday in the following manner:

• From 6 AM to 7 AM, Lanes #1 and #2 can only be occupied by passenger vehicles whose last number of their license plate ends with an even number or a “vanity” plate.
• From 7 AM to 8 AM, Lanes #1 and #2 can only be occupied by passenger vehicles whose last number of their license plate ends with an odd number.
• From 4 PM to 5 PM, Lanes #1 and #2 can only be occupied by passenger vehicles whose last number of their license plate ends with an even number
• From 5 PM to 6PM, Lanes #1 and #2 can only be occupied by passenger vehicles whose last number of their license plate ends with an odd number.
• All “long haul” semi-truck and trailer rigs must time their arrivals and departures so as to avoid being on the freeway during the above time periods.  If they must be on the road, they will share Lane #3 with everyone else.
• “Short haul” and local delivery trucks will be encouraged to alter their schedules to avoid the above time periods but they can use the freeways in the same “odd and even” manner as passenger vehicles.
• Employers will be encouraged to provide “flex-time” work schedules for any employee that commutes and uses the freeway system.
• Enforcement will be by CHP cruisers equipped with cameras to record the vehicle license plates and a time clock imprint, showing the vehicle to be illegally operating during the commute hours.  The fees generated by the traffic citations will pay for the cameras and the signage necessary to identify which freeways are  a part of the anti-gridlock system. (Any overages will be shared “50/50″ with Zak as  a royalty for the great idea.  Zak’s gotta do something to get him off the treadmill and subscriptions to WM, though appreciated, will never do that).

Once again, for the Libertarians amongst us, Lane #3 may be occupied by any vehicle at any time of day of night but drivers will have to share the lane with everyone else. 

What makes the matter workable is that a number is a number is a number and recognizable in most languages, including english.  Any driver will be able to understand when he/she can occupy Lanes #1 and #2 during the above hours.  If they “mis-understand” once, a ticket should help them to get their brain around the concept.

There it is.  Zak has cut the freeway traffic by fifty percent (“50%”) for four hours, the busiest four hours, of the day.  Zak can get to Orange County in about 45 minutes, rather than the hour and a half, morning and evening.  The traffic reduction strategy, once embraced by the commuting public, will reduce gridlock and forestall (an ironic term for a “traffic” article) the need for toll roads and additional lanes for the next decade.

Comments can  be addressed to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.  Responses by Zak will be delayed until his return from his remote reporting location.  Zak is hoping to share a cigar with the Governor but will not be holding his  breath, waiting for his call.  Zak has not yet confirmed that Arnold is a reader of Wildomar Magazine, avid or otherwise. 

Wildomar’s New Logo is….

…INSTEAD, A NEW NAME

Wildomar Magazine watched incoming Mayor for 2009 Scott Farnam make and re-make his point about how important a logo or motto or seal is for Wildomar’s future at last evening’s Wildomar City Council meeting. Somewhere, dear god, somewhere there must be a horde of companies just waiting for Wildomar to get it’s stationary imprint.

Zak thought and thought but couldn’t come up with anything that would win him a prize.  Instead, Zak decided that a whole new name should be awarded to Wildomar, ‘cept that it should be based on important personalities in the city.

For example, if one wished to honor outgoing mayor Bob Cashman, Wildomar would be named Mildomar.

If you wanted Zak to be remembered for his insightful commentary and opinion with Wildomar Magazine, you might decide to rename the city Gildomar in his honor.  (Zakdomar is catchy but not in synch with the onomatopoeiaic flavor of this piece).

Perhaps, given the niche that Wildomar currently fills in southwest Riverside County’s plethora of arid, semi-desert towns like Temecula and Menifee, you might accept Tain’t Town, since the non-descript Wildomar’s only real claim to fame is that it “tain’t” Elsinore and ”tain’t” Murrieta.

On the other hand, if you wanted to memorialize the work of the vulgar and “forever anonymous” (since no one dare admit to it now) editor of the Wildowatcher, you might rename our tiny city ”D*ldomar,” suggesting the reasonable and inexpensive cure for someone’s obsessive and prurient interest in Zak’s personal life.

Finally, for the visual part of the effort to create a brand, one must always first go to, and then stay with, the genesis of the name of our fair city, the three Graham children, pictured below.

Comments may be sliced to Zak at zakturango@excite.com.

Happy Thanksgiving. Zak Is Thankful For…….

  

……..WILDOMAR MAGAZINE

Wildomar Magazine has been in operation since February 2008 and has satirized, parodied, opined and commented on an unusual mix of events and personalities in Wildomar and the EVMWD.  Time flies when Zak is having fun.  Little did Zak know that when his son suggested that he return to blogging “for therapy” that Wildomar’s budding little cityhood would open the door to a world of change.

Since Thanksgiving is a time for, well, giving thanks, Zak has compiled a Top Ten List of things that he is thankful for and, with a tip of the cap to David Letterman, the following:

TOP TEN THINGS FOR WHICH ZAK IS THANKFUL

1. Bob Cashman - if you’re going to write about local politics, who could you find that has the personality quirks of our Bob?  For a start-up medium such as Wildomar Magazine, this has been a “target rich environment” for writing opportunities
2. Bob Cashman’s first term as mayor – Bob’s insistence, along with his rabid followers and his Puppet Master, that his “top-vote getter” status automatically granted him the Mayor’s Gavel, propelled his quirks into the forefront of our new city and into the middle of Zak’s radar screen.  However, it was Bob’s own inability to break out of his “old school” shell and learn to lead an entire city that was, ultimately, useful.  With Mayor-elect Scott Farnam running the show in 2009, Wildomar should be able to graduate from Cashman’s kindergarten class and progress to the first grade and beyond. 
3. Bob Cashman’s short term as mayor – A special thanks to whomever had the original thought to end Cashman’s term early.  In politics, stuffing Cashman in this manner was an exquisite rejection of his “leadership.”  Years from now, while resting comfortably in his rest home, Zak will remember Cashman’s brief tenure with a big grin,  Of course, his attending nurse will attribute his smile to Zak’s dementia-liberated flatulence, not happiness. 
4. Bob Cashman’s Band of Sisters – Zak could not have, even while drinking, created these people and their antics, with his fertile mind. It will be sad, to some extent, as we witness their diminished influence in the coming months, with the demotion of their benefactor.
5. Zak doesn’t have to attend church – Don’t get Zak wrong.  He remains “orthodox” in his Christian beliefs.  He knows that the writer of Wildowatcher has questioned his faith but Wildowatcher wouldn’t know her faith from her *ss. Zak has, in his lifetime, spent more time in church than most of you have spent in your beds.  Thank God that I no longer have to put up with some lightweight “pastor” and his “lame-*ssed pop-psychology happy time story” that could have, should have been a sermon on God’s precious plan of redemption for a sin-filled world.
6. Zak doesn’t have to attend church at Cornerstone – ‘Nuff said. For now.
7. Having a wonderful 4 year old grandson, Kent Roy Rasmussen - When all is said and done and the last posting of Wildomar Magazine is written, the things that truly matter to Zak is that great little guy, smarter than his grandpa, funnier at four than most adults. Better looking, too.
8. Having a wonderful 86 year old mother – “The Nicest Woman In The World” but nice to a fault.  She should have put a little more edge into young Zak’s critical thinking skills before Zak spent half of his life being “The Nicest Man in the World.”  By the way, if you ever sing or hear the church chorus, “He Is Lord,” Mom was the church organist who arranged the music to that popular song and was the first one to ever play the tune in public. Someday Zak will write about that.
9. Having a great job pushing lawyers around – Once Zak found out that lawyers only have opinions and that those opinions only matter if a judge or a jury agree with them and that only then do they have any real power.  Zak loves to remind the lawyers that work for him that they are only instruments in his hands.
10. Being in love

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, each and every one of you.  Those of you who enjoy Wildomar Magazine, thank you for your subscriptions.  The money helps. 

For those of you who read Wildomar Magazine and your stomach churns as you read, thank you for your animosity. It confirms the notion that Zak is correct.

Most of the time, anyway.

Comments can be sent to zakturango@excite.com.